Asking for help is sometimes the hardest thing of all.
Many women experience some type of trauma throughout their lives. Still, most of the people around us probably wouldn’t know that, would they? Often as women, we think we have to “keep it together” so we don’t unravel in a society that places so many stresses and pressures on us. Take me for instance, I use to be the Queen of “putting on a good face” and it actually hurt me in the long run. I became so entrenched in “going at it alone” and “faking it” that I ended up alone without real friends for many years. I had to change that, and now I’m sharing with you the number one thing that helped me to feel supported and not alone.
So many of us have been left to our own devices as we’re told we need to “be strong”, “think positively” and “let it fall off your back.” While these are incredible messages, it can be difficult to know how to achieve that mindset without some sort of guidance. Too many women today, “thinking positively” often translates into sweeping the difficult parts of life under the rug. Many times we swallow our tears in hopes that no one notices our vulnerability and hurt. We often experience guilt or shame if we don’t have it all together and wouldn’t even think of admitting that we actually need help.
After all, that’s a sign of weakness, isn’t it?
The problem with this mentality is that not only is it NOT sustainable, it’s simply not true. We have a full spectrum of emotions to navigate through on a daily basis, and that’s not even considering when we face challenges or obstacles.
Eventually, sweeping things under a rug no longer works when we realize that all we’ve done is create a giant mountain that’s too overwhelming to climb. And to think it could have been avoided by seeking help so we can heal from our traumas instead of hiding from them.
We all need help. No one can go it alone, and no woman is an island. Women thrive when they feel supported and loved. The best way to find this support is to belong to a community of like-minded women or what I like to call a sisterhood.
The idea of the community goes back to ancient settlements, yet we’ve lost touch with what it feels like to have a group of people with common goals, mindsets, and experiences supporting us. We have forgotten the magic that happens when we have sisters all around us and are ready to catch us when we fall, hug us in the tiring moments. When we think we can go any further, they root for us as we cross the finish line. With strength in numbers, there’s absolutely nothing you can’t achieve. It’s just a matter of time.
Here are a few tips so you can benefit from finding your tribe:
Look for a community that aligns with your needs. There are endless groups one can join nowadays. Seek out women who will understand what you’re going through. This will make it easier for you to share your story. Seek advice from those who have been there and know how to get through those difficult moments. Having a sisterhood helps us to stand in our power, be more adventurous and to take chances because we know that if we fall, they will be there to catch us. That is the real power of sisterhood.
Make yourself accountable. It’s easy to let things slide when there’s no one checking in on your progress. Find ways to connect to like-minded women who will hold you accountable so that you can achieve your ultimate goal of healing and living the life you dream of. For instance, I have a girlfriend name, Roseann. She’s my accountability partner, and she keeps me in check. She doesn’t allow me to slack off or make excuses. Sometimes she’s tough with me and can even make me cry. The truth is that I need her to keep me in check, and I do the same for her.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Let go of the idea that you “have it all together” – that’s a myth, and trust me, no one can honestly say that. Even those women who you think have it all together struggle. We all need help it’s part of our human experience. Being vulnerable around people who care about you is so liberating. You’ll find yourself surrounded by waves of support and advice that can only come from those who have walked a similar path as you. My recommendation is that you just put yourself out there and be vulnerable to those in your life who matter and you know are in your corner.
Ask for Help
I coach a lot of women, and many of them struggle with their pelvic health and don’t ask for help. I have no idea where it began, but many of us ( including me) think that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Now, this is ridiculous. For instance, after my recent fall, I couldn’t even cut up my own food. Yet I refused to be helped, and it kind of annoyed me to have people ask me if I needed help. I had to dig deep into my soul to figure out why I just couldn’t “ask for help.” Then like a lightning bolt, it hit me that I was still trying to put on a “good face” and I still wanted to control things. I didn’t want anyone to know that inside, I felt like I was losing it, and I felt ashamed about being needy. The truth is that once I opened up to my friends and \ask for help, I took a lot of pressure off myself, and I started to heal faster. So if you need assistance, ASK for it. It’s actually very healing and the single thing that many of us need right now. I have a new appreciation for my sisterhood and I will never go at it alone again. I need to feel connected and supported and I’m sure you feel the same.
There’s a power that arises from recognizing that you are not alone. The sheer idea that you will never truly unravel is life-changing as you duck and weave through days that feel impossible. I encourage you to find your sisterhood to remind you of just how powerful you are when you stand side by side with all of your sisters.